It's More Fun in the Philippines!

Image Source, Photo by Eva Müller

HAHA! This just made my day. No typhoon can break our sense of humor. It is indeed more fun in the Philippines!

Imagine Us

#WordsinAirProjectNo6

But to steal the words from Humbert, the poet/criminal of Lolita, I need you the reader, to imagine us, for we won't really exist if you don't. Against the tyranny of time and politics, imagine us the way we sometimes didn't dare to imagine ourselves: in our most private and secret moments, in the most extraordinarily ordinary instances of life, listening to music, falling in love, walking down the shady streets or reading Lolita in Tehran. And then imagine us again with all this confiscated, driven underground, taken away from us. - Reading Lolita in Tehran

|Quote by Azar Nafisi from her book Reading Lolita in Tehran

What We Search For in Fiction

She reminded me of a warning I was fond of repeating: do not, under any circumstances belittle a work of fiction by trying to turn it into a carbon copy of real life; what we search for in fiction is not so much reality but the epiphany of truth.  - Reading Lolita in Tehran

 #WordsinAirProjectNo5

There is a poem im trying to memorize because it makes me happy

SIMPLICITY
by Emily Dickinson

How happy is the little stone
That rambles in the road alone,
And does n't care about careers,
And exigencies never fears;
Whose coat of elemental brown
A passing universe put on;
And independent as the sun,
Associates or glows alone,
Fulfilling absolute decree
In casual simplicity.

Me at Dahilayan Bukidnon

Time to Brighten up Your Day with a Smile because the Filipino Spirit is Water Proof

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(A young Filipino girl smiles as she and her brother receive their first bag of food aid at a center in Tacloban.)

 (Kevin Frayer/Getty Images)

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(#Tacloban smiles. So good to see! #Leyte #Philippines)

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(So great seeing all their smiles despite what they're going through :) gotta love the Filipino spirit!)

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(If you've donated to our operation in the Philippines, here's where it went. #ThankYou)

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(Smiles in the #Philippines. Amazing, considering the smashed home in the back belongs to that girl)

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(stopped in the middle of the road. children had a sign "help us!!!" 

gave them biscuits and they were so happy!!! #operationsmileFollow)

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(No one can ever take away a child's smile, even a super typhoon can't!)

***

The Filipino Spirit! This is how I know it is going to be okay. All pictures and the corresponding quotes are taken from the internet, mostly from twitter and instagram. Thank you. Smile :)

Anderson Cooper 360 - Mabuhay Philippines!

My Little Prayer for the Typhoon Yolanda Survivors

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Lord God, I am ashamed that for these past few days I have only been looking after myself, praying for only me and my problems.

Lord on this day I ask that you bless the people who have been so affected by the typhoon Yolanda, especially for the people in Tacloban. May you bring comfort and peace in their hearts; I pray for those who are still looking for their family that they may be found alive and if not may their bodies be found. 


Because you are the bread of life and you have promised that whoever believes in you will never be hungry or thirsty i pray for food on the table for every family affected by the typhoon. 


For those who have been orphaned and lost their Father and Mother, I pray that you be their Father and I ask also for the blessed mother of God that she may be their mother in these times of need, for the Holy Family to look down on us with compassion. 

We are your people Lord; do not let us perish in distress. Give us hope for always. We are the happiest people on earth I know. Do not take away the reason for our smiles. Have mercy on us Lord. Thank you.  

Washed Ashore

Waves angry,

Washed ashore bottles, and slippers, and toys, and weeds

What delight to see them come here?

Who could have owned these washed up things?

That was of long ago

When other areas were terribly far

And far meant messages sent were received for the next 2-3 days

Where mails were a delight, and not too slow

Now these washed up things meant somebody’s terrible loss.

Not that story of a little boy losing his slipper in the sea

Decided to throw the other one hoping for someone to find all two

There is no little boy who owns these washed up things.

These washed up things are not my delight no more.

These washed up things are memories

Memories crying in the dark; wet and cannot breath.

 ***

For the little girl who takes delight in washed up things after every storm, and for the big girl who remembers that little girl.


 #Haiyan#Yolanda

Loving What IS

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Sanctity consists in willing what happens to us by God's order. If we understood how to see in each moment some manifestation of the will of God, we should find therein also all that our hearts could desire.

-Jean Pierre de Caussade

The Story of Jacob and Esau: Be the Kind of Person Others Want to Bless

Today I've read about how Jacob dressed up to get blessing, and how we are all Jacobs dressing up to be someone else to be loved. And it is a beautiful thought.

But it made me think my first feelings when I was young when I read that story. I did not care about Jacob at all. I cared about Esau. I remembered how I ached for Esau(I am first born myself). I felt terrible for him tricked that way. I felt sorry for him, for the mistake he had made. Selling his birthright like that for a bowl of stew.

The blessing meant for him as first born was given to Jacob.

My heart ached when he begged for Isaac, his father, to bless him too, Isaac blessed him, but it was not the same blessing. In fact, the bible said, it was an inferior blessing. How unfair that was! How sorry.

I can imagine Esau's rage, and how Jacob flee. 

As the story progressed (Jacob wrestling with the angel and begging for blessing) I was hoping for something to happen to restore the blessing back to Esau, which was rightfully his in the beginning. But it didn't happen.

And just like that, one decision, one bad choice, changed everything.

Sometimes we take things lightly; the blessing of God, the blessing of parents, the blessing of old people, the blessing of others.

I heard news of a celebrity posting things in Instagram shaming her parents. It just didn’t feel right for me. 

Children, shaming your parents in front of other people do not make you look good. 

Do not be such an ass and do not do things that will give your parents reason to curse you. Instead be a person that others want to bless. Or better yet be a person that wants to bless others.

There is one great tradition that we Filipinos are slowly losing, and that is “Pagmamano”. I remembered when I was young, how we little children would go to our Parents and ask for their hands to put it in our forehead to bless us before we leave home and after we return home. I remembered how we ask for the hands of older people to bless us every time we meet them. Now it is replaced by beso-beso (kiss in the cheek), which is also good, but I just love the act of humility involved in asking a hand to bless us. Let us try to uphold and keep that tradition and teach it to our little children.  

Now, going back to the story, I like how it all ends, Jacob learning his lesson, wresting with an Angel of God to get a blessing, and he got what he wanted. I have to give it to Jacob being persistent like that, giving importance to blessings.

And I still love Esau because despite what was lost of him, in the end, he had moved on, forgiven Jacob, embraced him as a brother and went in peace.

Until The Day Dawns, and the Morning Star Rises In Your Hearts

Until the day dawns, and the morning star rises in your hearts.

This morning there was this little bird on top of our mango tree.
How beautiful it is that God cares for them and not one falls without our Father's notice.

Can I Pray With You?

I have not been constant - in prayer, in studies,

and in everything i deem important.

Standing on feeble ground; building my hut on the sand.

You knocked on my door and I let you in.

Has it been raining? You don't look fine.

Your heart's blue; sadness engulfing you.

You told me things of woe.

I hope anyone wouldn't come to know.

Death's been whispering in your thoughts.

It has grown on you.

Your spiritual warfare's so real

Battle smoke I could smell.

Along came many scruples with it.

Don't think too much,

don’t think too much…

I wanted so bad to pray with you.

Can I pray with you? -

this i did not dare ask.

I doubt my heart could stand the task.

I'm not as steadfast as I like.

You left with my "I'll pray for you."

But you came back still in woe.

I knew I have here a work to do.

But what can I do?

I have no time to settle my doubts, my fears -

my own storms I could not keep still.

I have not time for guilt.

I cannot rely on what I have built.

So today let’s just be you and me, and God be God.

Let's be weak in our weakness, blind in our blindness-

rest in our restlessness.

I'll pray for you and you pray with me.

God in our midst,

God in our weakness,

God in you and God in me.

Let mercy fall, let the day dawn,

let my heart break and let it mend.

I'll carry you and you carry me.

To the divine together

we shall surrender.

***

This is for the moment I first prayed over someone. And for all the coming moments i will feel terrified to pray over someone, I will always be found wanting but let mercy fall.

And no matter what, I will always remember:

“There is a secret medicine given only to those who hurt so hard they can't hope. The hopers would feel slighted if they knew.” 

-Rumi

The Birds Sing Praises Just Before the Sun Rises

I have a beautiful prayer practice to recommend.

Not too long ago, I noticed birds singing and praising God early in the morning just before the sun rises.

I thought, My God they are singing praises!

I joined in singing in Spirit along with them and noticed i am in perfect harmony with their tune. I slowed down when they slowed down and I stopped when they stopped.

I was intrigued. I am in awe. They sing every morning at the exact same time.

I am reminded of a psalm calling all creations on earth to praise God.

Saying let everything that has breath worship him.

I have googled about this and found I am not alone:

http://heart2heartbeat.com/why_do_birds_sing.htm

Thank you Lord!

In the morning, give me the grace to lift my voice and sing in praise and thanksgiving to you. For you alone is worthy of praise.

Dream-maker, Life-giver

How delightful it is to wash my face

with your running waters,

to have eyes shining like the sun.

The dark clouds of doubt

has given way for clear blue sky

I'm living underneath your smiling face.

And it shows in the way i walk,

in the way i talk

and in the way i carry myself.

I will never ever be the same again.

For my aunt, for me.

You came here so weak

The big C, but i didn't know

you'd be that weak,

skin and bones

I don't know how to react

The confusion;

you would have seen it in my eyes.

I want to get your hands for you to bless me,

i knelt in front of you,

you did not look me in the eye,

pretended as if you did not see me,

you did not acknowledge my presence,

It drove me out.

I imagine you would slowly heal

I'd read to you

I'd talk to you

I imagine mornings talking to you,

and you slowly healing,

but you have to die

I ran into your room

your eyes looking above as if in shock

your whole body rigid

I knew then that your soul was leaving you

your tongue slowly moving in and out,

catching breath, air.

I did not know what to feel,

Flor, the one who took care of you said

you did not want people to see you like that.

Just before she leaves,

everyday you'd say,

don't tell them my situation. 

Tell then I’m fine, 

that I am well.

I imagine you were embarrassed,
but i am your niece,

although not close, but family.

Looking back,

I wish i could have reached out

to touch you.

It was always at the back of my mind,

to reach for your frail hands so i can bless,

bless ko auntie(mano po ninang),

but i never did.

Look me in the eye,

share me your pain,

open up your heart,

show me your soul.

I am sorry.

I know you are happy now.

My heart was at peace when you died.

I realized we are all babe in the face of death,

and that now you can rest.

***

For a long time now, i did not know how to express in words what i felt when my aunt died.

I have to write it down. This  is but a shadow of the real thing.

But enough, enough for me to hope again.

The First Time I Got Teary Eyed with a Painting

Display of art gallery in Lim Ketkai Center from our local artists here in our city.

Paintings don't usually move me like words does, but today is the first time I got teary eyed with a painting. This one spoke to me deep down my heart in a most intimate way. This is one of the times when the sea brings out something in you: future, hopes, dreams, pains, what has been- all combine. And then you are lost just looking at it. This is that sea, and the painting has captured it and framed that moment.

***

Some of the paintings I like :( All the photos are taken from my mobile phone. This is one of those days I wish I had better camera)

What have I Been Up to Lately?

I have no idea who took this. Unknown file on our desktop.

Ever since the bombing in our city, I've developed this strange fear of things suddenly blowing up when I'm in crowded places. This sensation of fear and anxiety could drive me far away from the place where I am at. Also I have developed this heightened awareness of bags put away in suspicious places. I can spot them everywhere; once in a bookstore, and another at the hallway of a mall. A bag put in the ground unattended is positively a ticking bomb for me that I have to get away fast. This is crazy, to actually be so affected.

My counter spell which most of the time i forget to memorize when under threat is: even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i fear no evil for you are with me. There!

I bought a book entitled Uncle Tungsten Memories of a Chemical Boyhood because i was fascinated of the things they tell at the back cover. It's a scientific memoir. Why I am writing about this is not specifically because of the book but because of the person who used it before me. I was surprisingly delighted to discover that we have the same manner of highlighting things on books- mostly brackets and arrows enclosing beautiful sentences; not so much as to distract the reader but visible enough to notice the markings. I liked that he has this sense of "other people might want to read the book" he kept it neat.  Which is my guiding principle on book markings too.

I noticed that whatever book I'm reading has an impact on my writing. If I read beautiful books, i tend to sound beautiful too. I had read about this phenomenon. I find it rather sad and fascinating. Sad because I have not yet found my own voice, and fascinating because I could actually just keep reading beautifully written books every day to write beautifully too.  The problem is I get lazy.

I am in the middle of reading a beautiful story, an enchanting book filled with moon people. I am also in the middle of preparing for my midterm exam next week. I am in a beautiful mess.

The urge to do something I know not has returned. So I keep starting projects i am not able to finish. Not this, not that. If only it could talk and just tell me plainly what to do, I would not be so bothered like I am now.

I cannot keep myself from buying books. It is an addiction. I am happily addicted I'm afraid. Now, if only id be able to read them all. Sigh.

I have fascinating classmates. Because I don’t get to see them every day I am naturally curious about them and them about me. As we do reporting every classes, I am fond of observing who are nervous and who are not, which are eloquent and which are not. I have classmates who are generous with their smile; classmates who smile first when they see you. I always feel acknowledged when they do. I am not that generous with my smile nor am I the first to say hi. I wish I could be, but I have long given up beating myself about it. My shyness does not make them uncomfortable either (don't get me wrong, i also have friends). When sometimes i fee like it, I smile first and they always smile back, even the security guard at our University smiles back. Such a wonder what a smile can do.

I have been learning about the Theories of Learning. I keep meeting Grandpa Thorndike and Uncle Jean Piaget they sound like family already.

The trees (4) in our backyard have blossomed like they belonged to a forest. I can hear birds from my room, and they are increasing in number.

I actually liked people who cry easily. Who can be touched deeply by ordinary things and simple gestures? I knew one and I always don't know what to do when she cries, but it gives you so much joy that a simple gesture could move her so, so soft hearted and i liked it.

Has anyone been following FIBA ASIA? Because we are! Go Gilas Pilipinas!

The Gift of Repentance

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My soul is at home among the faithful and the quietness of the church. Some people at the corner are bowed down in solemn prayer, some crying -people come and walk out quietly. Here you can be yourself - bare.  In moments like these, I can say together with the psalmist; compare to a thousand days better is one day at your temple.

How many times have I come running back to you? How many times have I been so unfaithful? Let me count the ways... No, you don’t count. Why am I so unsettled? Looking for I do not know what (The next big thing?) Looking for joy where you are the only true joy. Do I really believe that? My actions say otherwise. To seek your will first for you will take care of the rest. Do I trust that? I have tasted your goodness but where am I? Do I please you?

I cry, I cry. What poverty of the spirit!  Where is the storehouse of good thoughts and good will? Wheredoes wisdom lives? How about faith and love?

I cry, I cry. For who could contain you, who could understand? But you meet us where we are. What mercy! What love, and what compassion! Your kindness is what leads us to repentance. Even repentance is a gift; a reaction not an action.  And I don't want to take your kindness lightly. And I'm sorry for the times I do.

I look around and I see hearts, the hearts of your people opening up to you; petitions, prayers, thanksgiving. I cry, I cry.

Here in your house is truth. Here in your house is struggle. Here we come to rest, to wail, to lament. And what do you give in return? Peace beyond reason. Hush, hush, you know, you understand, our yokes and burdens, in exchange of your yoke and burden- easy and light.

The green light above the confessional's door indicates that the priest is in. I calm myself down and went in.

Forgive me Father for I have sinned...

         

            It has been a year since my last confession...

                                                                                             

                                     I am sorry for...

The priest in the confessional talks in straight English, I have to press my ears closely to the wall to hear him talk.

Grace...

Allow yourself to be touched by God's love. 

Ask for more of the Holy Spirit. Ask our Mother Mary for assistance.

Go in peace...

I close the door.

Our Father who art in heaven......Hail Mary full of grace....

I am overcome with so much emotion thinking of the Mother of God.

So Sr. San Jose, pray for me. You the man! Ah, the communion of saints.

Last time I was here, I told him that I want to be truly human not holy. Now I look at his statue with the baby Jesus with all the carpentry tools at their feet which I find so cute, I say, pray for me for I want to be truly human and holy too. He must have been laughing.

I look around again and I feel peace; more of you Lord, more of you.

***

I confess the same sins every year sometimes I'm afraid the priest in our parish would say, your sins sound familiar. Regarding confessions, my mom said, I do the same sins over and over again so what's the point. But I've heard a priest once said that the Sacrament of Reconciliation is like cleaning your house. You have to clean your house daily so as not to gather dust- so much wisdom.

There are so many things about the Sacrament of Reconciliation that I’d like to talk, like how it takes a whole lot of humility to confess your sins to another person, and how I find it the bravest thing a person could do. Of how it feels like to walk inside the confessional room and thinking, can I collapse now? And that I don't particularly enjoy doing the examination of conscience because it unsettles me, but you find so much grace in there. And if it's really heartfelt, a good confession with the grace of God heals you in so many ways.

  

Your Beauty Draws Me Near

You little flower melts my heart

your beauty draw me near

I cannot help

but love

How loving to me is your humility

Your head bowed down in sorrow fills me with compassion

Even before you call I am yours

Never hesitate to come

Never doubt my love

Take the first step and I’ll walk the rest

Let me be your strength

Come, come.

A little glance,

a genuine smile,

a prayer, a desire to be near,

an appreciation for goodness,

for beauty -

your simple ways of loving

fills me with joy.

So shine your light,

my star so bright

Your joy is my delight

Spread your wings

my butterfly

fly

ever so light

Through the Belly of a Whale

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Dark thoughts swirling in circles

swirling tight

Let go, let go

Not yet, not yet

let me hold

Tired, tired, soul

surrender now.

Life's a battle

but grace abounds

lay down, lay down

I will fight!

Here is my armor.

Little soul, you all geared up like that

melts my heart.

You need nothing else,

take it off.

These are all I know

These are all I have

This is me.

Put it down, it wearies you out, silly!

***

And just like that you make me smile and I’m healed.

Teilhard de Chadrin: Trust in the Slow Work of God

Trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything to
reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something
unknown, something new.
And yet it is the law of all progress that it is made
by passing through some stages of instability - and that it
may take a very long time.
And so I think it is with you; your ideas mature
gradually - let them grow, let them shape themselves,
without undue haste. Don't try to force them on,
as thought you could be today what time(that is to say,
grace and circumstances acting on your own good will)
will make of you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new spirit gradually
forming within you will be.
Give our Lord the benefit of believing that his hand is leading you,
accept that anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.
-Teilhard de Chadrin

I needed to hear this.

I needed to be in a certain place to hear a song with a line that says this is my desire: to honor you.

I needed to be with a friend who can be an instrument of grace.

I needed to make a mistake to realize that it is a sin.

To take a stand for I am lukewarm.

To plead His promises, for I know He will never forsake me.

To call for He will not cast me out.

And maybe one day hear wonderful and marvelous things I know nothing about.

How Animal Are We?

#WordsinAirProjectNo4

I stand and look at [animals] long and long.

They do not sweat and whine about their condition...

Not one is dissatisfied, not one is demented

with the mania of owning things...

Not one is respectable or unhappy over the whole earth. 

-- Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, 1867

|Poem By Walt Whitman from Leaves of Grass

Joy of Christ Risen

"Never let anything so fill you with sorrow as to MAKE YOU FORGET the joy of CHRIST RISEN..."-Mother Teresa




#WordsinAirProjectNo3