There are so many things in my head that I want to write
about that I have not really come to understand. They are over my head floating
like bubbles and I just have to stretch out my hand to pop them open one by
one.
These things that I want to write are but a shadow and a
feeling, and I am afraid if I begin to write about them shadows I would never
be able to discern the true form. The unfinished thoughts in my head; some of
them deliberately suppressed, and many I was not able to follow mainly because
I have no will and courage to explore.
I want to write important and meaningful topics but I am
afraid I maybe wrong in a lot of things, or that, if I get back to them after
many days, I will find them meaningless to me.
I want to write about this great silence in me, this chasm
of ignorance. The feeling of for all I know I know nothing. And so what rights
have I to say when what I say does not edify?
This overwhelms me.
This is then I get back to Sarah Kay (my fave poet as of the
moment). She talks about poetry at age 14, what do you know at 14? She said, it
doesn't matter, write about being 14 - what it feels like.
I love that wisdom. I feel like, she's saying, it’s okay,
write about not knowing - at age 25 and not knowing! It makes me laugh but it
makes me feel fine. So this is what it feels like today and I'm writing about
it and I am starting to feel good already.
