Confusion

I have not posted my daily gratitude in two days now. I have been harassed, confuse and sick at the same time. Gah i really dont know what is going on with myself anymore. I have no control. It freaks me out. Confusion is staring at me squarely. God i need help so bad. And a lot of prayers. I hate it when i cant understand myself. Im so empty right now and at the same time full of shit..oops sorry.  But today is an early morning and i have always believed that mornings are wonderful gift of God. A new sheet of paper where you can just forget all the yesterdays mistakes! I am in the kitchen right now and mom is cooking, auntie Eva cleaning and dad just gotten out of the comfort room fresh after a bath. The weather is really good and i can hear a lot of chicken shouting their usual tiktilaok. I am here sitting and typing. I dont like it when im sick. Somehow there is some notion in me that when you are sick your soul is sick also. Gah talk about perfection and holiness. Im so tired already. I just want God to hold and comfort me now. To not say anything but hold me. I want Him to cleanse and purify me. To let me know that it is alright. Yes that everything is all right. That somehow ill come out of this, whatever it is, renewed. It is my desire to please God and when you cant do that it does something with your soul. You get depressed and ugly. I dont want to be ugly. :P I want to be beautiful and radiant. The kind of beauty where God resides. Dah i know that is impossible to reach. But what do you know? God can make everything possible. And me? i somehow believe in the impossible. This has been going on for a week now and i hope tomorrow ill get better. And if you are confuse what in the heavens i am talking about in here, that is basically my problem dear. Confusion without identifiable reason or a lot of reasons its hard to name them all. But for now my family is in the dining room eating and talking already and everything is just normal...I will join them now.

And by the way if somehow you know what this is thing called about...you can share your thoughts and tell me how to get cured.