Manifest, go, create!

If i can remember all these words then living my life would be worthwhile. 

"Pretending you know what you’re doing is almost the same as knowing what you are doing, so just accept that you know what you’re doing even if you don’t and do it.”

Check this blog out for a burst of inspiration. Go paint your world. Pretend you know how to make it beautiful. Go create! Manifest!

Discovering Orhan Pamuk

It is the first time i cried with a book. With  Füsun, feeling what she feels. After making love for the first time...

...only saying that she would remember this day till the end of her life, before beginning to cry again, and then falling silent once more. 

I am reminded of a dear friend when i asked her of what she initially felt after their first time. She told me she cried. She cried for her many ambitions and dreams in life. And at that moment, I felt her, I felt a lifespan of dreams and promises that seems to elude after doing such a sacred but forbidden thing would certainly occur in one's mind. The so many what if's questions to follow. It seemed to me that i understood what had happened and inside i cried with her. I have never been so much touched with a book. And i am only just beginning to read it.


P.S. I am afraid to read what will happen next. I am so afraid to jump in and walk in their shoes. Feeling what they feel. I am not sure if i would like to be inside Pamuk's book regardless of how skillfully he weaves every word like a work of art- to evoke such emotions from me is a little bit unsettling. I am not even sure if he is a He. But i am guessing he is. I should really google the name now.

Molder of Hearts

You mold our hearts

Meek and Gentle

Strong and Proud

You know it all

Small hearts

Big hearts

You fill everyone

According to their hearts

Desire

You mold hearts

Kings and slaves alike

Our secrets

Lord, you know them all

10 Things I should have learned by now

1. That dishes should be washed after eating no matter how tired you are. There is just no excuse for not washing dishes.

2. That you could always look at things in different angles. That you should look at things in different angles.

3. That life will bore you if you let it.

4. That a home is not a home without messes, but it is not an excuse not to wash the dishes.

5. That things will worry you if you can't accept the outcome.

6. That it is always wise to ask "what could be the worst to come out of this" in every situation, and much wiser to ask "what could be the best to happen in this situation". Again things are better grasped if looked at different angles.

7. That a day has 24 hours. Yet you only get to live half of it. And 4 only if you have a job you hate. So don't hate your job. Look at it in different angles my friend.

8. That God is love. And you can't do anything that would change that.

9. That you think lousy thoughts all the time. Be a little bit nobler than that. Think happy thoughts.

10. That in whatever disappointing situation you are in, there is always an opportunity to improve yourself. So refuse to give in and come out better because of it.

***

Crap Creepy Script

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Late one night Trina went to the kitchen feeling hungry. She opened the fridge and look for some food. Found a cupcake and started munching. When suddenly a voice in a far away darkness outside their house began to speak. "Trina....trina....trina..."
"Oh my, who's that? Am i going to be afraid? Is this frightening?" Trina felt a little sick.
"Trina...trina..."  the voice seems to come nearer and nearer to the kitchen.
"Oh my this is frightening..." She wasnt finished eating yet when suddenly the voice came to touch her left ear whipering softly..."Trina...ive been waiting for you". Trina jumped to her feet and started screaming. "Oh my God, oh my God, this is frightening!" "This is frightening!" "Somebody help!" The whole house was shaking by the  noise she was making.
"Trina what is going on?" her dad said, barely naked, looking at the cupcake in her hand. She realized she have not finished eating it yet. "Dad." putting the cupcake into her mouth. "I've heared a voice!" "It is whispering my name!" "He said he has been waiting for me." she said speaking slowly while trying to taste the sweetness of the remaining cupcake.
"Are you crazy?" "It's 3 am in the morning!" looking at his watch. "There is nobody here, only us"  "And you are eating again!" his dad is beginning to get furious.
"Dad, i swear!" "I heard a voice!" "It's creepy."

***

Haha. I know it's crap. But i was just trying to write a story. Wanted it to be scary. I'm a little bit terrified of how i will continue the story. The 3 am thing where ghosts and monsters and all kinds of evil spirits (oh please don't mention) kind of started coming out to make you feel their presence is a bit too much of a scare. Oh oh i remember my office graveyard shift days where i just have to pee at 3am in the morning and i would get Eva(one of my office mates) to accompany me inside the CR. Mind you, inside. I was just pretty scared at the thought of 3 A.M. monsters. Well anyways, i think the story came out a little funny too. haha. So there you go. Write, write, and write.

The Sign of the Rainbow

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Once upon a time there was this lonely girl living in a village. She has been orphaned and was left in the forest to die when she was just a baby. Luckily a woodcutter found her and took her home. Now the woodcutter has died and she felt left alone once again. The thought of people leaving her sudden the little girl. She was so sad that all the plants she touches dies. It's like energy of loneliness flows through her. "If only i will have someone to talk to, someone to love, and someone to share my life with. I wouldn't be this lonely." And she cries in silent. She was so lonely that all the villagers worry about her.

One day the heavens grew dark. And the people felt that the heavens must have felt the girl's loneliness. People started to show up in her small cottage to visit the girl. But she was too given in to her loneliness that no one could cheer her up. The heavens continued to be dark for one month and all the trees in the village started to die. Fear of something dreadful covered the hearts of the villagers. "If the darkness will continue we will all die. We have to do something!" Now the parents started to notice that even their own children has started getting lonely too. Many are not playing and talking anymore. It's like tears are hanging in their eyes. The girls loneliness has infected everyone.

The wise men in the village started to gather for counsel. With a torch in the center to light the meeting. One wise men suggested to have music and singing to cheer them all up. And all agreed to this. They gathered up all the villagers and summon the Pop Princess to sing something for them to cheer them up. But when she opened her mouth, the melody she brought out was so lonely and it moved them to tears. All the villagers started crying until the song was finished. This worried the wise men too much. They gathered up again knowing they had failed. "I miss the sun." Said one of the wise men. "I miss all our sunny hearts. Our children's laughter and playfulness. I miss all the colors of the world. Now i can only see black. Darkness!" With a flush of insight, one wise man said, "Why don't we summon the rainbow?"  "But how?", cried the others. "After the rain is the rainbow. We need rain to come down!" They again gathered up all the villagers, and the oldest wise one said. "Today, as our hearts are clouded with darkness. And light seems so far away. I want us all to help one another. I want us to make the heavens rain so we can see the rainbow.
 We all know that rainbow is a sign of hope. A sign of hope with a promise that never again will we be flooded. And now we are flooded with loneliness. So let us gather together to ask God to give us the rainbow." And so everyone bowed down their heads and kneel; they started crying and praying to God to give them lights for their hearts. They shouted, wailed, and begged God to bring back their happiness. Their prayers reached up to the heavens that at once it started raining. It rained and rained for the entire night until their cries were so washed up they could not cry any longer. All the villagers were so tired from crying they had fallen asleep.

When they woke up, a tiny little light was glowing at them and a big rainbow was to be seen near the cottage of the lonely girl. The girl went out and saw the rainbow in beautiful colors. The other end of the rainbow it seems is in the little girl's place. The lights are shining in different colors and she could touch it. Her little house was shining in rainbow colors. Even her whole body was shining in different colors. The beauty bestowed upon her tore her heart open that she went crying and shouting for joy. The villagers clapped their hands upon seeing the girl's happiness. They too were in great awe of the many colors the rainbow has. The symbol of God's promise consoled all theirs hearts. And everyone was just hugging in joy and happiness.

The village is glowing with light and the sun is starting to shine brighter and brighter. At once the oldest of the wise men rise up and announce to the village. "Today God has given us once again his promise of hope. We are a people with hope. And never again would we allow anyone's loneliness to affect us all. Today, we paint our hearts with the color of a rainbow. And when it gets dark inside our hearts. We console one another by bringing out our lights in rainbow colors. Each one of us has been promised with a hope. It is our duty to guard that promise." That day, all the villagers; young and old including the lonely girl became guardian of the hearts. To stand as light in different colors when darkness strikes.

Author: Me, tabulyogang.info

The Eagle and the Worm

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This is a story about an eagle and the worm. What an intro that is. Well this is my first story so i have to have a intro. One day, the worm was early working on his hole looking for food. The sun was shining and the sky cloudless. The heat was more than tolerable that day. As the worm was inside the earth working on his holes looking for food. He gets to thinking, "This day is sure as hot as hell!  I need to cool down, air ain't even circulating from where I am. I have to get out and get some air. Everything seems so dump down here." As the worm keeps on thinking about these things, the worst he seems to feel. But he kept on working. The eagle at that time was just flying  and gliding. "Oh God your mountains! It is beautiful! I praise you with my mighty wings." as he said this, he flips his wings and dive downwards and rise up again as high as he could go. "Ah, i am so beautifully and wonderfully created! exclaims the eagle. "When i roam over all your creations, and consider the work of your hands. What am i that you are mindful of me. You know everything about me. I love how the earth is so green up here. I love how the wind feels beneath my wings. And i love how mighty your sun is! I am alive and made new. Today I can see your faithfulness." And the eagle glides through the clear blue sky feeling awesome, joyful from the beauty God has bestowed upon the earth and as he keeps on thinking about these things he spotted the worm and thank God for the early breakfast.

Author: Me, tabulyogang.info ;) I know its awesome right? haha

P.S. I will try to write short stories. I want to be a writer. And i will write and write and write :)

Overcoming my favorite sin

How can i express my relief and joy over overcoming my favorite sin. Let us first define what a favorite sin is. In my dictionary, a favorite sin is something repeatedly done with you knowing that what you are doing is wrong and that you are doing it with your full consent. I hope you get what i mean.

My favorite sin has become my addiction. It has consumed me. My whole being. From my thoughts to my  actions. But at that time i was not fully aware of what I'm doing or that it has somehow become an addiction. Oh my I'm having second thoughts as to whether id want to share this with all of you. Anyways, i want to share how i was able to overcome it so others who are in my shoes may learn something. First of all. Nobody. I meant nobody knows my favorite sin. Except for the two persons i had confided it with. I'm not perfect. I think we all are. And it's hard to move and unfold knowing that you are flawed and having people look at you like you can't even kill a cockroach(i can, in case you think i can't). I tend to be severe on myself and look at other people much much better than they really are. And that trait of mine has added burden to my guilt until it has become insupportable. I know i cant continue living a life full of masks. I want to be free. I want to be me. And i know i cant do that if i wont let go and break free from my favorite sin.

I'm no guru or whatever sort of preacher something, this is base solely on my experience. So here is my journey of overcoming my favorite sin:

Know your weakness

Knowing your weaknesses. I think this is the first step to liberation. Knowing your weakness can lead you to evaluate yourself to become better. And in my case, me knowing that i am weak was so hard to accept. Because it feels like your hopeless. I am proud, and me accepting that i am weak is like diving head first into the ocean(for someone not a diver this is pretty scary! Gosh, especially if your imagination gets ahead of you, like diving and hitting the rock bottom and having your head crack and blood all over-I'm sorry that's like pretty scary indeed) but you get what i mean. Knowing you are weak makes you realize you need help.

Confide

Confide. Confide your weaknesses! (Not necessarily to a priest! Or other than the priest) Confide your weaknesses to someone you trust who has the desire to see you grow. This could be hard. Knowing which person to trust -who will not reveal your darkest secrets. But i think you will know in your heart whom to choose to confide to once your ready to tell. You will be given that one person when your purpose and faith coincide. I believe. This is not the hard part. The hardest is spilling it out! Yes, telling another soul of your weakness, sins and all could be like suicide for me. The thought of it can make me ready to collapse. I don't know with you, but having someone see your sins is a scary thought. The sacrament of reconciliation is one of the hardest thing to do. Only a brave soul can have the courage to confess. Be very brave then. hehe

Desire to want to change

Really want to change. We all know that change is hard. But if we truly desire to change then the grace of God will sustain us. I believe in change of heart more than the change of mind. A change of heart is the beginning of a change in man.

You will fail again and again

Know that you will fail. Its not that it will vanish forever. A sin, especially if its one of your favorite will keep coming. When that happens, do not for a moment get discourage. A Father never beats his child if he is learning to walk and then falls every time. Know that you are still in progress. Failure is not permanent. Don't despair. Always and always be gentle with yourself.

Ask for the Holy Spirit to guide you

Ask for the Holy Spirit's guidance. Know that only God can change you. Desire and ask always for assistance. It may seem that everything else is getting a lot more worse but remember that God is at work in you. Trust his Love.

Only God can satisfy

Only God can satisfy all your longings. I once heard that people sin because they want to fill the emptiness they feel inside. So we look for things that will satisfy us, even to the point of going against the will of God. Let us not be deceived. Only God can love you like no one else can.

Be stubborn

Be stubborn in your want for change. Never ever give up. In the words of Rumi, my favorite poet, "Even if you have broken your vows a thousand times, still come and come yet again"

There will always be time that you will falter. Believe me. I have been for so many times going back and back again to all my favorite sins. But these are not reasons to give up. A house needs to be cleaned everyday. Never allow the mistakes of the past ruin your future. In your present moment there is always a chance for change; like right now. Be very blessed!