Maybe This Time

I really like Sarah G's version of Maybe This Time, plus she's so pretty in here. I like her short hair. And Coco is just adorable! We've been playing the music every day, every morning for one week now. My two brothers love it. I love it. And my dad likes it. For once we are in agreement of what kind music to play in the house. No "Turn it off, the music annoys me!” no, "Is that music to you?" When my dad likes the music we play, there is peace in the house.

"Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch

#WhatHaveIBeenUpToLately

Our lecturer read this story to us and sang these lines to a lullaby tune "I love you forever. i like you for always. as long as I’m living, my baby you'll be." she has such strong beautiful voice i cried silently while listening. She narrated it so perfectly it felt like i was given a gift. The story was crazy and touching. I laughed and cried at the same time. I wish I had videotaped the whole thing so I can capture that moment.

Now, i can’t stop singing the song in my head. "I love you forever, i like you for always, as long as im living, my baby you'll be" LSS *last song syndrome*

I think i may have been prone to crying lately. I cry at the most unlikely places. This sudden burst of emotions from i don't know where surprises me. Can’t you see there's a lot of people here my tears?

I got a scholarship from a review center in preparation for my LET board exam. Even though i did not pass the required percentage for the full scholarship, they still decided to give it to me. Sometimes at the middle of the review (especially when the lecturer is brilliant) i stop myself, how lucky am i to be here? I'm too blessed. Thank you, Lord!

My dad and I, we are still at it at some days. Although little has changed, but it has gotten mild.

I bought 1 rim of newsprint and will start to write my morning pages. I’ve been doing it for a while last year but i somehow stopped. Now, I’m getting back to it, scheduling my morning routine to make way for it.

I can’t stop buying books!!! Help!

I’ve noticed I’ve been manifesting things i want lately. yay!

This post reminds me of the stories i wrote when i asked God what he has been up to lately. There was this story where he went to India and meditated with a young monk on a top of the mountain facing another mountain. Where he poked the young monk, he got tired meditating because he can’t sit very still when happy. Another when he stalked very, very, old couple in France observing their daily routine. The old couple doesn’t talk much; they know each other too well. And they sleep a lot. I had to laugh at the stories God has to tell. Although i think sometimes that it is just me creating stories for myself when i get bored. I'm like: "God, I’m bored. What have you been up to lately?" I’d like to believe that it is really God telling me his own adventures. That he too is having fun.

I drew this the other day.

I was studying Geometry while doing this hence the shapes.

#WhatHaveIBeenUpToLately

5 Things I know To Be True

1. Compared to a thousand days better is one day at the temple of God.
2. God is gentle.
3. Trees live like kings, as mighty and as calm.
4.  I love how my mom smells. Her smell is soothing to my soul.
5. At this moment of my life, I have come to a state where:

•  i do not know what i want
•  what my dreams are
•  how will i live my life.

This is very hard at first to accept. I had prayed for God to shower rain on my dry land. He has not. Instead he has put some guide posts. Now, I am looking for signs as direction to where i will go. I hope to find some treasures along the way. But the point is to be happy as i go. So.

Abba dear, 70x7

image

your little angel, my guardian dear
delivering me from every evil
how can i stand here
and not be moved?

yet i fail, and fail, and fail.

the other side of the bargain i have not kept
how does one not get tired
of forgiving?

***

I bargained with God - my first one. Not for my self but for someone dear.
He heard me. Looking back i have not lived up to my side of the bargain.

***

Why am i so bold when it comes to you?
I have no shame.
Abba dear, 70x7 me.

***
 i like how you send me signs, signs like bird on my window
stop sinning girl! i'm watching you. 
you know i knew that it was you
how bold of you, how lucky for me
I am loved, I am loved. infinitely so.
not even me, not even me can change that so.

He who can no longer listen to his brother will soon be no longer listening to God either

I may have shut others out  that is why i can't stand the silence when praying to God. This is to remind myself that it is okay to keep quiet and listen.

“The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship consists in listening to them. Just as love to God begins with listening to His Word, so the beginning of love for the brethren is learning to listen to them. It is God’s love for us that He not only gives us His Word but also lends us His ear.

So it is His work that we do for our brother when we learn to listen to him. Christians, especially ministers, so often think they must always contribute something when they are in the company of others, that this is the one service they have to render. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking.

Many people are looking for an ear that will listen. They do not find it among Christians, because these Christians are talking where they should be listening. But he who can no longer listen to his brother will soon be no longer listening to God either; he will be doing nothing but prattle in the presence of God too.

This is the beginning of the death of the spiritual life, and in the end there is nothing left but spiritual chatter and clerical condescension arrayed in pious words. One who cannot listen long and patiently will presently be talking beside the point and be never really speaking to others, albeit he be not conscious of it. Anyone who thinks that his time is too valuable to spend keeping quiet will eventually have no time for God and his brother, but only for himself and for his own follies.”

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Liebster Award - Q and A

Adriana of Classical Quest gave me a Liebster Award. Yay! It's the second time my blog has received  that award. I'm soooo good. *wink*

Thank you, Adriana!

Since it's my second time, according to the rule of law i am allowed to skip any other rules and just answer the questions. Here we go.

1. Why did you start your blog? (If your purpose has changed since you started blogging, share how and why.)

The reason why i started my blog was so that i can write things I’m grateful for every day.

I was working at that time and all my workmates have a blog. I was curious to get to know them more; what they are passionate about. So it was sort of i started mine so i can follow them. Also at that time, i was so forgetful, like i had this short term memory where i would forget to log out in our bio-metrics after work like all the time. I remember one afternoon after work, i was already sitting pretty at home when my manager called me to get back to the office because i forgot to log out.(ARE YOU KIDDING ME!) I was looking all over the internet for a cure. And then i read a quote that says, 'Gratitude is the heart of the memory'. That's when i decided to write a blog  about all the things I’m grateful for to help improve my memory. And then from there my writings evolved into 'what I’m going through', 'things I’m trying to figure out' and 'lessons I learned'. I keep thinking i should really have a niche(something to focus on) but still up to this day I have no theme whatsoever, i write  when there is something i need to let out(poems), or if there's a thought or idea that i find beautiful or fascinating that i want to share.

2. Which post did you most enjoy writing? Or, what post is your favorite? (Please provide the link)

I have a lot of favorites!

• Because this is about my childhood.
• Because i wrote it for my sister.
• Because this is my heart's thanksgiving 

3. Which post was the most difficult to write and why? (Link, if you wish.)

A poem i wrote when my auntie died.("I wrote it in great anguish, with a troubled heart and many tears.") She had breast cancer. It was the first time i experienced and saw death with my own eyes. I went through a lot of questions and confusion and yet at the same time felt a deep sense of peace when she died. I have read this poem many times, and many times i feel heavy; the scenes replaying in my mind. Now, that feeling somehow transformed into light pain( if there is such a thing, maybe what i want to say is that i have forgiven myself).

4. Share a favorite quote from a book or author.

"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view-until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."

"It is not time to worry yet" ....I'll tell you when.

 - Atticus of To Kill a Mocking Bird(you know how you read a book and it feels like you are never the same after?)

5. Name a character from classic literature that you would love to be neighbors with.

I would love to be neighbors with grandma and grandpa of The Education of Little Tree. I can listen to them tell stories all day! 

6. If you were stranded on a deserted island, what five books would you need?

Any How to Survive Books On a Deserted Island (?)

The Bible - I need God. (For the first few days i can pretend that this is just like Jesus in the desert)

A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle - To stay sane (i will probably worry a lot). To remind myself that I have a mind but i am not my mind -that kind of thing.

1001 Solved Problems in Engineering Mathematics - not to punish myself but so i can finally sit down and think and appreciate the beaut of Mathematical formulas and equations. Math problems have solutions. I will need a scientific calculator with this. I am not that good at Math I can cry. This will serve as a challenge/distraction for me, and it could either make or break me. My head would hurt so bad i may come out as a math savant(secret desire). I’m letting my imagination run wild, sorry!
Dialogues of Plato - maybe now i can think more deeply.

7. What are you currently reading?

 A lot and I am never finished.  Mostly i look at

The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy (savoring)

The Element of Lavishness: Letters of Sylvia Townsend Warner and William Maxwell(savoring it as well)
A Midsummer Night's Dream (it took me a while to get acquainted with the characters. dazed)

Reading Lolita in Tehran By Azar Nafisi -There are 31 classics you have to read(who has time?) to get a deeper insight of what she's talking about. I am torn between 'should i read them first' or 'should i go ahead and read this one'?)

8. Where is your favorite reading place?

My room (in my bed),

our sala on my favorite chair.

9. Can you name a book that you thought you would dislike, but ended up liking?

None. But there are books i dislike and have not gotten pass my dislike. The Catcher In The Rye and The Picture of Dorian Gray are such books. The first because it is so negative and the second because Dorian Gray is vain, vain, vain.

10. What do you do when you're not reading?

I listen to Podcast a lot. Study a little. Sleep a lot. And meditate (don’t be fooled i mostly end up sleeping when i plan to do this).

 11. You are on vacation in a foreign country. What do you make sure to fit into your itinerary?

I don’t know. But something that would make me hear the sound of their language. When there are foreigners here in our country i eavesdrop just to hear what the sound of their language is like. It fascinates me. Also i would like to see the architecture of their houses and how they live. (Japan is my dream place to see. I know for sure i will visit their temples.)

image

Thanks again Adriana!  :)