I have been listening to Brene's Brown TED talk on YouTube. She is a research professor and a story teller (you know, when I was in High School, my dream really is to be a story teller. I just don't know how that could be possible for me so I kept it to myself and never told a soul. But since 2012 I have been thinking that maybe it can come true. I still don't know how but I know it will. That's faith... and
Brene Brown studies shame and vulnerability. I am a shy girl. I grew up really quiet and shy. And so topics like shame and vulnerability speak to me. This is supposed to be a book review but I figured it would do you much good if I just show you all the sentences Ihave highlighted and marked for your own study. Enjoy!
Courage originally meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.”
Speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we’re feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage.
Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line.
Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.
If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging.
The greatest challenge for most of us is believing that we are worthy now, right this minute. Worthy now. Not if. Not when. We are worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.
A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all women, men, and children.
...true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.
To begin by always thinking of love as an action rather than a feeling is one way in which anyone using the word in this manner automatically assumes accountability and responsibility.
When we don’t practice love with the people we claim to love, it takes a lot out of us. Incongruent living is exhausting.
If we want to live and love with our whole hearts, and if we want to engage with the world from a place of worthiness, we have to talk about the things that get in the way—especially shame, fear, and vulnerability.
Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.
The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.
Healthy striving is self-focused—How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused—What will they think?
A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.
Self-kindness: Being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.
Common humanity: Common humanity recognizes that suffering and feelings of personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience—something we all go through rather than something that happens to “me” alone.
Mindfulness: Taking a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated.
When we’re kind to ourselves, we create a reservoir of compassion that we can extend to others.
“Today, I’m going to believe that showing up is enough.”
Hopeful self-talk sounds more like, This is tough, but I can do it.
The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It’s our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.
And lastly this one, which I really find astonishing, thought provoking and so true too.
An excerpt from Brene Brown’s interview with Krista Tippet:
Ms. Brown: Appearance and body image is still the number one shame trigger for women. For men, there's a really kind of singular, suffocating expectation and that is do not be perceived as weak. So for men, the perception of weakness is often very shaming and that one of the things that's interesting is, I talk to men and, you know, what I heard over and over was some variation of, look, my wife, my girlfriend, whomever, they say be afraid, they tell me, you know, share your vulnerability with me, open up, but the truth is, they can't stomach it.
The truth is that, when I'm very vulnerable, when I'm in fear, when I talk about it openly, it permanently changes the dynamics in our relationship. And when I started sharing this with women or whenever I started interviewing couples, women are like, oh, God, it's true. I want you to be open and I want there to be intimacy, but I don't want you go to there.
You know, and so, I've come to this belief that, if you show me a woman who can sit with a man in real vulnerability, in deep fear, and be with him in it, I will show you a woman who, A, has done her work and, B, does not derive her power from that man. And if you show me a man who can sit with a woman in deep struggle and vulnerability and not try to fix it, but just hear her and be with her and hold space for it, I'll show you a guy who's done his work and a man who doesn't derive his power from controlling and fixing everything.
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To admit that you are terrified and afraid takes a whole lot of courage.
To not know what to do next and to admit to yourself that you don't know is terrifying. I have been there so many times.
And this one thing I know: It is okay to be afraid, it is okay to be vulnerable - but you know what, courage is showing up even when you feel vulnerable. Like, "OMG! I don't want to come to class today. I am not prepared with my report. I would be very embarrassed if I do this." But you show up anyway and did the report. For me that is courage.
