How can i express my relief and joy over overcoming my favorite sin. Let us first define what a favorite sin is. In my dictionary, a favorite sin is something repeatedly done with you knowing that what you are doing is wrong and that you are doing it with your full consent. I hope you get what i mean.
My favorite sin has become my addiction. It has consumed me. My whole being. From my thoughts to my actions. But at that time i was not fully aware of what I'm doing or that it has somehow become an addiction. Oh my I'm having second thoughts as to whether id want to share this with all of you. Anyways, i want to share how i was able to overcome it so others who are in my shoes may learn something. First of all. Nobody. I meant nobody knows my favorite sin. Except for the two persons i had confided it with. I'm not perfect. I think we all are. And it's hard to move and unfold knowing that you are flawed and having people look at you like you can't even kill a cockroach(i can, in case you think i can't). I tend to be severe on myself and look at other people much much better than they really are. And that trait of mine has added burden to my guilt until it has become insupportable. I know i cant continue living a life full of masks. I want to be free. I want to be me. And i know i cant do that if i wont let go and break free from my favorite sin.
I'm no guru or whatever sort of preacher something, this is base solely on my experience. So here is my journey of overcoming my favorite sin:
Know your weakness
Knowing your weaknesses. I think this is the first step to liberation. Knowing your weakness can lead you to evaluate yourself to become better. And in my case, me knowing that i am weak was so hard to accept. Because it feels like your hopeless. I am proud, and me accepting that i am weak is like diving head first into the ocean(for someone not a diver this is pretty scary! Gosh, especially if your imagination gets ahead of you, like diving and hitting the rock bottom and having your head crack and blood all over-I'm sorry that's like pretty scary indeed) but you get what i mean. Knowing you are weak makes you realize you need help.
Confide
Confide. Confide your weaknesses! (Not necessarily to a priest! Or other than the priest) Confide your weaknesses to someone you trust who has the desire to see you grow. This could be hard. Knowing which person to trust -who will not reveal your darkest secrets. But i think you will know in your heart whom to choose to confide to once your ready to tell. You will be given that one person when your purpose and faith coincide. I believe. This is not the hard part. The hardest is spilling it out! Yes, telling another soul of your weakness, sins and all could be like suicide for me. The thought of it can make me ready to collapse. I don't know with you, but having someone see your sins is a scary thought. The sacrament of reconciliation is one of the hardest thing to do. Only a brave soul can have the courage to confess. Be very brave then. hehe
Desire to want to change
Really want to change. We all know that change is hard. But if we truly desire to change then the grace of God will sustain us. I believe in change of heart more than the change of mind. A change of heart is the beginning of a change in man.
You will fail again and again
Know that you will fail. Its not that it will vanish forever. A sin, especially if its one of your favorite will keep coming. When that happens, do not for a moment get discourage. A Father never beats his child if he is learning to walk and then falls every time. Know that you are still in progress. Failure is not permanent. Don't despair. Always and always be gentle with yourself.
Ask for the Holy Spirit to guide you
Ask for the Holy Spirit's guidance. Know that only God can change you. Desire and ask always for assistance. It may seem that everything else is getting a lot more worse but remember that God is at work in you. Trust his Love.
Only God can satisfy
Only God can satisfy all your longings. I once heard that people sin because they want to fill the emptiness they feel inside. So we look for things that will satisfy us, even to the point of going against the will of God. Let us not be deceived. Only God can love you like no one else can.
Be stubborn
Be stubborn in your want for change. Never ever give up. In the words of Rumi, my favorite poet, "Even if you have broken your vows a thousand times, still come and come yet again"
There will always be time that you will falter. Believe me. I have been for so many times going back and back again to all my favorite sins. But these are not reasons to give up. A house needs to be cleaned everyday. Never allow the mistakes of the past ruin your future. In your present moment there is always a chance for change; like right now. Be very blessed!
