Upset: The reason behind your feelings

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Ive been so upset today with my work. I have this problem with my webmaster and i just dont know what to do and where to start to solve it. I was stuck literally. Spend hours and hours going through the web without being conscious of what im doing just so i can delay dealing with my immediate problem. My favorite form of scape. I was so upset, i wasn't able to do anything with my time at wok. Half of my day was ruin. The list of things i want to do wasn't done. It's like being in the middle of a traffic- everything got congested. It's like watching a bad domino effect before your very own eyes. I was so upset because i cannot move on to other tasks at hand without solving it first(i dont know why im like this. Perhaps because deep down i believe in doing the difficult task first.). The feeling was so overwhelming i wasn't able take it anymore.  I have been to so many problems like this that finally today i was able to catch myself. My thought process was, Why am i feeling like this? Why am i so upset? Do i truly recognize my problem? Is this such a big deal? The moment i started questioning my feelings about what's bothering me was the moment i took the initial step to solve it. I started asking my workmates of their opinion about it and i realized it wanst that bad at all. In fact it was such a small thing that it makes me wonder that it bothered me. From the moment i looked at my reaction(feelings) to the problem was the moment i took action to solve it. I prayed and ask God for help and decided not to fret about it anymore. And viola! Just like magic. The feeling was gone. I wasnt upset anymore. Got my head cleared. Took action and i was able to solve it. I was so lifted up. I felt wonderful. The genius has come and ole to me! :)

Things im grateful for today
1. I am grateful that i was able solve my problem and discovered a new way of approaching upsetting situations.yay!
2. Grateful for Keong2. He's a kind of person who teach by example without him knowing it. Im glad im arround people like him. It makes you want to be better a person.
3. I am grateful for TED videos on youtube of remarkable people. It is inspiring. One day im gonna be up there gracing their show as a speaker. hehe.
4. I am so grateful for this video of Elizabeth Gilbert the Author of "Eat, Pray, Love". This has touched a portion of my life and made me realized something really important about my work life. Enjoy watching it and i hope you will find a glimpse of inspiration. And Ole to you!

for subtitle u can click the cc button *wink*

5. I am grateful for my two new followers. MarkSFO and Rhea Liza hello there beautiful souls!  :)

Focus your thoughts on things that will make you happy

"But when Peter saw how strong the wind was he became frightened; and, beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him, and said to him, “O ye of little faith, why did you doubt?” -  Matthew 14: 31

See how peter started to sink when he lost focus. To my sink and swim see how fragile i am.

Because i have been so down and so demotivated(char) for like forever...hahah i have to get my mind off things even people that are not worthy of my attention. And for me to do that i need to focus on things that makes me happy. And what are those? hehe. The word Wish List is dancing in my head and in front of me. So here it is:

1. I want to make beautiful things. Cute beautiful things! Arghhh.

 

2. Doraemon. I want a doraemon stuff toy. Or anything that involves doraemon. I dont know why but it has become a symbol of unconditional love for me now. haha
3. A garden. Yes i want a garden for myself. I have no idea where to start or how to do this but i surely do want one. Oh please Lord please please give me a garden...hehehe
4. Wisdom and knowledge... Wisdom to read people's intentions and sincerity.
5. A sanctuary....i want to find my place. My spot to think things through and through. Someplace to pray and talk to God. hehehe Whether up in a tree or under a tree. haha It wont mater as long as im in a place over looking the vast ocean. Someplace to take my imagination somewhere, someplace comforting and familiar. Hahaizt...

I wish now to move on and do my part of the job. To let the records reflect that today and for tomorrow i did my part of the job. And just like what Elizabeth Gilbert says...whether or not the genius comes Ole, to me nonetheless. Yes- Ole, to me nonetheless!

Things ive pondered as true

"Life is a series of lessons and opportunites,

not a series of mistakes and inadequacies."

Image from here

Today is a list of all the things I’ve pondered as true (proven or not) or at least thought to be true for me and also a list of my current activities, and a mixture of both. So let's start!

1.       Singing is just like playing games! Just like skipping ropes! Timing and fearlessness is required and the courage and abandonment to try it because you want to play. - Things ive pondered while learning to sing.

Why if my country was not dubbed as the singing nation of Asia I wouldn't have cared less if I’m so out of tune. All my colleagues know how to sing really well. Everybody I know of seems to know how to sing! It’s like 1 out of 10 and I’m that 1. Not that I’m frustrated or something. lol. Seriously.

2.      English can be fun. Respect.

Discretion is synonymous to prudence - it made me respect that word more!

It is fun looking for the synonyms of the word than looking its meaning up. Either way you arrive at something true. I suggest take the more pleasurable path! Because that is what learning is all about. PLEASURABLE!

I wish I had discovered this way back in high school, to look for synonyms rather than its meaning. Because somehow it’s more fun that way. Meanings can be burdensome you know.

Like divulge is reveal, but divulge sounds so much more manly to me! I love how it sounds!

Like how interference is like meddling and prying (sounds like gossip to me), but I’m more into the electronics side so I’d like to imagine interference for a channel (tv or radio) that has been distracted by outer factors. Sort of the static voice for the radio and a sudden black or white disturbance for the tv. -Oh how playful words can be!

3.       That it is okay to get angry but don't sin. To acknowledge your feelings yet not do something that will lead you to sin. That gentleness and faithfulness is the fruit of the Holy Spirit and 7 more others. That I’m not trying to be spiritual here. That the best thing you can do with your life is to ask for the gift of the Holy Spirit which will teach you all truths.

4.      And lastly and more importantly this one: That Christ searches not for malice but for ignorance and screams out not in pain but in forgiveness. –I’ve read that in a book. It is true. The kind of truth that will pierce your heart and mind. Can you do that? To not search for malice but rather for ignorance to someone who have wronged you? What a profound idea this is!

***

Things I’m grateful for today

1. For being able to remember Enola's request! Thank you Abba-cakes!

2. I’m happy today. And I am grateful!

An entry from my gratitude journal:

Thank you Lord for this wonderful morning: thank you for the birds in our backyard, for our mango fruit. for our chickens and for my brothers and sister and for my cousin Reyna. Thank you Lord for my parents, and for our house. Thank you for the healing in the morning and for the grace that comes with it. Thank you for your unfathomable mercy and for your humor. Thank you so much Lord God. You are wonderful to me.

Confusion

I have not posted my daily gratitude in two days now. I have been harassed, confuse and sick at the same time. Gah i really dont know what is going on with myself anymore. I have no control. It freaks me out. Confusion is staring at me squarely. God i need help so bad. And a lot of prayers. I hate it when i cant understand myself. Im so empty right now and at the same time full of shit..oops sorry.  But today is an early morning and i have always believed that mornings are wonderful gift of God. A new sheet of paper where you can just forget all the yesterdays mistakes! I am in the kitchen right now and mom is cooking, auntie Eva cleaning and dad just gotten out of the comfort room fresh after a bath. The weather is really good and i can hear a lot of chicken shouting their usual tiktilaok. I am here sitting and typing. I dont like it when im sick. Somehow there is some notion in me that when you are sick your soul is sick also. Gah talk about perfection and holiness. Im so tired already. I just want God to hold and comfort me now. To not say anything but hold me. I want Him to cleanse and purify me. To let me know that it is alright. Yes that everything is all right. That somehow ill come out of this, whatever it is, renewed. It is my desire to please God and when you cant do that it does something with your soul. You get depressed and ugly. I dont want to be ugly. :P I want to be beautiful and radiant. The kind of beauty where God resides. Dah i know that is impossible to reach. But what do you know? God can make everything possible. And me? i somehow believe in the impossible. This has been going on for a week now and i hope tomorrow ill get better. And if you are confuse what in the heavens i am talking about in here, that is basically my problem dear. Confusion without identifiable reason or a lot of reasons its hard to name them all. But for now my family is in the dining room eating and talking already and everything is just normal...I will join them now.

And by the way if somehow you know what this is thing called about...you can share your thoughts and tell me how to get cured.

Just the Right Balance

Just the Right Balance

I can be as crazy as a dog and refined as a lady

I can be loud as a gun and quiet as a grave

I can be so sensitive and I can be so detached,

But never in between-

Oh I’m finding it hard to find the right balance.

I can be so rude and be so kind

I can tell you things straight to your face

I can also tell at your back

Oh I’m finding it hard to find the right balance.

I can either lie or not lie

It's hard to act the white lies in between

If sometimes i am brutally honest with you

Don’t get hurt for it's never been my business to inflict pain.

I’m just finding it hard to find the right balance

 -Sheena on being straightforward. (Your not so eloquent girl.)

Today’s Gratitude List
I'm grateful that i learned so much more about myself today. It's really hard to find the right balance in everything. I just want to be spontaneous
Today,  I’m grateful for LJ. I was all gloomy this morning and wasn’t really feeling well. I’m glad that LJ was able to save my almost wasted day. We were both laughing while going home, crazy old man in awe of her beauty. I’m just thankful another beauty appeared to save us from our dilemma. Dangerous situation turned comedy. Nothing's better than that.
Painting with my water colors again. Got to take some photos and upload them soon.
Grateful that I was able to fulfill my promise today. Wow. Thank you Lord. ILUVU.
I’m grateful that I did really well with all my house chores. Way to go baby.

My Diosito Mio I LOVE YOU!

Come live in my heart, and pay no rent. 

 -Samuel Lover

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I want to say out loud that i love you too.

Happy Valentines Abba-cakes! Abba Father I love you! Thank you so much for being faithful no matter how many times i had betrayed you. I'm sorry. Thank you for Loving me in ways i never imagined possible, i never thought im worth that much. Thank you Father for saying again and again how much you love me. I am in awe of your love for me. In awe of how much you care for me. Thank you so much for proving time and time again how you will never leave me. Thank you for your loyalty. Your love is unconditional it is beyond compare. How can i learn to hate others then who have hurt me when your loving me like the way you do. Yet even then i learned to hate. I'm sorry. How can i learn to judge others when amidst all my shortcomings and deceitfulness you never did leave. Yet even then i learned to judge. Im sorry. Im sorry for many times i have witness your great love for me yet i wasn't changed. Hard hearted me. Im sorry Father. How can a soul who knows how much it has been loved yet still not be moved by it. Im sorry. Know my heart today and search me. Clean me and purify me. Set me aside for you alone Abba Father and let me be a beautiful aroma to you. Every single day forgive and renew me for in that way i will be able to give my only gift to you. To praise and to thank you and to celebrate you. I love you Father. Thank you so much! Thank you, thank you, thank you.. I am glad you are my God.

Things I'm grateful for today Feb 14 2011

1. Im grateful that today is Lovely's birthday.
2. Im grateful that im so busy writing love notes for my office mates and receiving a lot of them also.

I love this pic coz i have no idea janice was taking it.

Aren't those beautiful?

3. Sweet Love, young love, innocent love, childish love, unconditional love. For all Love forms today. I am definitely grateful! Happy Valentines everyone!

People may say i am loveless but i have always been in love :P

That's Shirley Temple! and That's Janice behind  :P

Gardenia Pizza. yay!

 Photos courtesy of Janice and Chariss :P

4. I am grateful that i celebrated Valentines Day with my office mates at Moon's Cafe. They have a lot of menus yet we ended up ordering pizza again! yay! I had just eaten pizza last night for my sister's birthday and then today pizza nanaman! Nice. We got ourselves shirley temple for the drinks and it was phenomenal! ehee I love it. In fact we all love it. This food trip seems to never end.
5.Finally got myself an ice cream! Been craving for it for how many days now. ahahaha.
6. My cousin laughing over Crazy little thing called love. Oh Mario Maurer you are so handsome.
7. Hearing these words from the yaya of Mara and Clara: "Sa huli ikaw din ang may hawak ng iyong buhay, huwag mong ecompromiso ang iyong kaligayahan basi sa ini-isip ng iba" These words are precious. I think if you can live your life with this saying you will definitely be happy. Yes i will not try to look at myself in the eyes of my boss - regardless of what or how he/she thinks about me(that will be the end of me). yay thats from personality development training seminar. I have a lot of things to say about this but i will not expand. I am in no position to. I still have to think things through and through. :P

Practice

Found this at http://kristinrobertson.com/ i have to repost. I think i want to do this also. :)

Every morning, for about five minutes, sit still and contemplate how God beholds you. God is like an unconditionally loving parent or grandparent, who extends to you abundant love, acceptance and forgiveness. There is nothing you need do or say or achieve to deserve this love; there is nothing you can do to lose it. This abiding love has surrounded you since the inception of your soul, when God created you.
Listen to what God has to say to you: “You are our blessed child, in whom we are well pleased. We love you whatever you do - we love you unconditionally - so you can cease your striving and rest in our embrace. We grieve for you when you choose to turn your face away from love, and rejoice when you return to us. Know that we are always here, ready to enfold you in the light of our love.”
This practice, done daily, will change your life, as it has mine. You will look in the mirror and see a different person staring back at you. You will come to love yourself completely, unabashedly and lavishly, as God loves you. What greater gift - the gift of self-love - can you give to yourself and to the world?  For, if you cannot fully love yourself, you haven’t a prayer of fully loving others.

note: Done a little revision. Replaced the word Source to God.It doesn't matter either way. God is our source.

Concerning trees

To the Trees

To the trees, how do you pray?

In silence.

To the sun, how do you praise God?

By shining.

Oh just be, just be.

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I have never seen you so quiet this early morning.

Have you been praying?

Oh, I pray all the time.

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I have never seen anything as beautiful as you,

Tell me what is it? What is your secret?

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There are things that cannot be put to words,

Things, that only the eyes and the heart know the language.

 ----

There is no arrogance in you.

You are as high

As mighty,

and as calm.

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Tell me what does the bird sounds to you?

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Don't be so calm you allure me.

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Tell me where do you look,

Up or down? 

The sky is lovely, 

the earth too.

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I don't mind you holding hands with me- intertwined.

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How does it feel to bear fruit?

***

I can’t tell you how much i love trees. But mostly all of my drawings are about them. That is how much.