Fitzgerald and I - The Great Gatsby

If you want to be a great writer read the Great Gatsby.

I once read that somewhere over the internet. That's why I bought the book and forced myself to read it even though many times I wanted to throw it out of the window and go far away from it.

 It is the hardest book I've ever read or come across.

If I had not read that quote above I wouldn't have bothered to pick it up over and over again. I cannot tell you how badly I want to throw it, but when I see it lying there(which happens to be just everywhere in the house) I could not resist toying with the idea that it might somehow in the end make an impression on me and indeed make me a great writer. I'm that desperate when it comes to writing.

It took me almost 3 months to finish the first chapter because I kept re-reading it. God, I won’t move not unless i understood every word. It's written in an old style and every sentence is really long. It's painful for a lazy reader like me. The setting is from a long time ago. Talk about parties and balls and dresses like the ones you read from Jane Austen books, but this one is set in America, New York in particular. At the back of my mind I keep watching for sentences that are nicely put to satisfy my suspicion of why Fitzgerald is esteemed as a great writer. I’ve written notes down its pages, like I'm some Editor or Critique; scrutinizing the book and its every word and sentences.

In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that Ive been turning over in my mind ever since.
         "Whenever you feel like criticizing any one," he told me, "just remember that all the people in this word haven't had the advantages that you've had"

This is how the book starts and I’ve been reading that part over and over again. haha. Just so I could wrap my mind around it and find that magic- of how great writers become great. But to tell you the truth I am not that sold with his style of writing. WHO IN THE WORLD AM I TO SAY THAT? English is not even my first language. And the problem lies there. Or maybe it's just me. I'm not making excuses for my bad writing here, nor would I want to apologize for my wrong grammar.

Actually I want to apologize for every wrong grammar but I won’t, I just won’t, because I'm too proud for that.

So is this post really about my insecurities in writing? Maybe Yes. I'm not that kind of reader who would force myself to read a book I have no interest about. If I don't like it I won’t read it, period. This is about the rave reviews of the book and of the writer himself.

 This is my little investigation of why a writer becomes great and famous and how to write such a book. But maybe I'm too immature to understand all of this, and that maybe although it's embarrassing to say, my command of English is weak. But I won’t stop, I will read this again next month, or maybe next year, or when I get to 50. haha. But yeah I have read 3 chapters already in the span of 6 months (that is half a year!!!) and I am deliberately taking my time.

Someday, when I’m done reading this, I'll write a book review. I hope soon. 

Killing Us Softly

This is a video about how deeply advertising can affect culture and what it has done to us. This study was based in the United States.  I've read about this in The Gift of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You Should Be and Embrace Who You are. The Author Brene Brown said that “Advertising is an over $200 billion a year industry. We are each exposed to over 3000 ads a day. Yet, remarkably, most of us believe we are not influenced by advertising. Ads sell a great deal more than products. They sell values, images, and concepts of success and worth, love and sexuality, popularity and normalcy. They tell us who we are and who we should be. Sometimes they sell addictions.”5 I highly recommend Kilbourne’s and Katz’s DVDs—they’ve changed the way I see the world and myself.

For those who read my blog, especially you girls and women you've got to watch this. It's enlightening. It's an eye opener. There is a need for awareness for things like these, of how we women are being depicted in advertising and what it can do to us.

Loving the Blog Awards

Ain't it flattering to receive an award? I just received one from Jessica of Pagguhit ng mga Salita! :)) yay! I love awards but I know i have been slacking. I received similar award from Theblackswampcornucopia  but haven't had the time to do it. So i guess it's time to do it all while I have so much time in my hands. haha. Thank you for the award Jess.

So here it is:

She said what i have to do is answer the 11 questions she had for me and give the awards to 11 bloggers and make my own 11 questions for them to answer. Easy right?

1. What is your name? (full name)

 My name is Sheena Señara(I actually have two names but i go by just Sheena.) I know some of you are curious why my blog's name is tabulyogang. haha. That's sort of my nickname that my mom and dad use to call me.

2. What inspires you to blog?

I don't know. I was just sort of bored while I was working so I figured why not have my own blog? A lot of my workmates have their own blogs too so I was kind of thinking why not? And also I have a very very short memory and I've read somewhere that Gratitude is the heart of the memory, and so my plan was to use my blog to list down things I'm grateful for everyday. Trying to remember things I'm grateful for did me a lot of good! If you can go back to my archive you can see how I do it back then. haha. My blog kind of evolved as time went by. But I still do gratitude from time to time.

3. What is your happiest moment in life?

My happiest moment? I don't know, haha. I have a lot! But maybe moments where I just sleep beside my mom and the two of us cuddling and me thinking: I'm so at peace I could die right then and there and not regret anything. It feels like I'm sleeping in the bosom of God. I love my mom!

4. What is your greatest challenge in life, how did you overcome problems?

Maybe back in College when I just can't understand a thing about our Engineering and Programming subjects. It drives me crazy now thinking how I survived! Haha! I pray every time and ask God for help when I have problems. I am dependent on God's grace. I cant do it on my own. I really cant. 

5. Do you find my blog interesting?

Why! Yes, of course! I love reading your thoughts and I love your honesty and not to mention your paintings! 

6. Movie marathon or sound trip?

Movie marathon! 

7. When was the last time you cry, what was the reason?

Last week Friday :) The reason was that I'm so indecisive. I can't decide, and the thought that I have to decide as soon as possible drives me crazy! I take my time when making decisions and it is such a pressure if you are forced to do it quick.

8. What is you motto/ philosophy in life?

In everything give thanks! I love to live knowing that I am guided and that I am loved and that no matter what life hands me; it is for my best. And that everything will work out for my good because God loves me and He simply cannot leave me alone to suffer. 

9. What is your favorite hobby?

Reading and writing and thinking. I love to be alone often just to sort out my thoughts. 

10. Who is your favorite blogger, why?

Karenika, Natalie and Miracle Because they are artists! And it seems to me that they are living a very good life. 

11. What can you say to me? (anything)

Just stay true to yourself  because you are doing really good as far as I can tell, and that no matter what happens, remember that God loves you. :) 

*** 

And this one is from Theblackswampcornucopia  Thank you so much!

This award has its rules; if you receive it you have to:

- thank the blogger(s) who sends you the award and add a link to her/his blog

- write 7 random things about yourself

- give the award to other 15 bloggers you love and tell them.

7 Random Things About Me

1. I am constantly seeking ideas on how to improve myself and life in general. I love experimenting with my thoughts. Like for example there was this one day where I tried really hard to give out thoughts of love. Like when I see people I say in my thought "I love you, thank you" haha. I know it's a little bit crazy but I do weird things like that and think really really weird thoughts. 

2. I'm a book hoarder. I collect books. Im not much of a reader but I do read occasionally. I just love watching books piled up on my shelves. When I have money I'd rather buy books than clothes. 

3. I talk to God like he is just around or just beside me like a friend.

4. Im the eldest among 4 siblings.

5. I cant get my hands off my nose! Seriously I have this very bad habit of picking my white and black heads out my nose. It's terrible. I try really hard to stop it! Ive been doing it since High School. It started the day I saw my cousin picked her white heads out. It's like a small plant being uprooted from the ground. Like a small rice when it is out. OMG the cravings I have just at the sight and feel of them. I crush them using my nails like what you do with head lice! I am just fascinated with the whole process. Strange addiction it is.

6. I sometimes wonder what if I would just go ahead and write in visaya. haha. Wala juy makasabot nako ba. But you know for one day and one post just write pure visaya. I wonder why there are no visayan books. Well except maybe the Bible but you know like novels. Ive seen one pocketbook in Visayan language but no decent books. haha Not even one in National bookstore. But maybe because Visaya is not a language but a dialect. But what's the difference between a language and a dialect anyway? 

7. I have this burning desire to learn Latin. I don't know why but since I heard our parish priest mentioned that "If you know Latin you know English". I just can't get it out of my head. Esto Vir! - Latin for Be a man! haha and did you know that 'es' is 'is' in Latin and 'et' is 'and' in Latin that's why we have 'et al' meaning 'and others'. Interesting right? If you find yourself being tried in court you will probably know what they are talking about if you know Latin. 

So there! Im finally done! 

I don't know a lot of bloggers around here so I'm passing this two awards to 3 bloggers I know personally and to 1 I happen to know while blog hopping. Haha! Please take note that in the first award I have the same questions for you so just copy the questions and answer them. haha Sorry Jessica, this post is too long i dont want to think about creating my own questions anymore.

So these awards are for you:

1. Eva of Dare to Believe

2. Yadz of Different Chains of Life

3. Chang of Fine and Dandy

4. Ate Kulasa of Thelettersinnovember.com

Thanks guys! I know you are all busy but please feel free to do it whenever you're ready and buzz me when you're done. haha

On Smoking

Because I had had (past tense) a manager who smokes a lot, but this is not about her, nor about smoking. This is my story about SMOKES.

When I was a kid (I still am) my Papa (my mother's brother) used to boss us around children to light his cigarette. I don’t know why Lighters are not that popular in those days.

I remember being really happy when I  get to light the fresh cigarette. I would go to the kitchen where woods are used to cook our meals. In those days people use woods to cook and we have dirty kitchens at home. We do have stoves but people on those days seem to have the luxury of time to build fire to cook. We even have chopped woods under our house, pile and piles of chopped woods.

I remember being really happy when I get the chance to light the fresh cigar of my Papa. What I do is that I just don't light the cigar using my hand but I  do them lighting by putting first the cigar in my mouth and get my face really close to the fire till I feel the heat and the tip of the cigarette catches fire.

And I inhale like CRAZY!

I do it fast and quick. In my imagination I used to pretend that I am an actress or a celebrity. I don't know why when I was a kid I see people as being glamorous when they smoke. Now I certainly don't.  I don't do it when people are around. I make sure nobody's watching.

I remember feeling madly high and happy knowing I've done something wicked. I do it real quick so my Papa won’t notice and I hand him the cigar and act like a little angel.

Oh the high I get!

I knew then that I was a little rebel. I know it's wicked acting like a little angel when you are clearly not. Some children use to just show their bad, rebellious side but no not me. I'M THIS LITTLE ANGEL!!! SEE?

People don't know anything about me really.

I still carry that trait to this day. I told you I still am a kid! I still wear mask when I am angry, sad, or when I do wicked, wicked things. I do try to be honest as much as possible now, to show my real feelings, to show the real me.

But habits are hard to break especially when it's from childhood. So yeah, I'm no angel, maybe a bit rebel inside and definitely a sinner.

I do appreciate myself now; it’s hard to live with one self when you don't.

See that little rebel inside? :p


***

I have a lot of things to be thankful for today. 

You see I have not been writing things I'm grateful about in here. So let me start with being really grateful for the grace of forgiveness.(It's hard for me to forgive myself but I'm learning now; i try to be kind to me. I want me as my own best friend and not to treat me badly).

I'm grateful for a new day and for new beginnings. I do love mornings! Let us always begin again. And again.

My Catholic Faith

Oh my! Because i thought it was just me! This really made me smile. :)

YOU KNOW YOUR CATHOLIC WHEN:

When you hear a really romantic song and think “That’s how the Lord thinks of me!”

....and i seriously thought it's just me!

“AND WITH YOUR SPIRIT” is the hardest thing for you to remember right now.

....haha the new missal translation! "And also with you" changed to "And with your spirit." My mom and I get to tease each other if one of us kind of forget. (Our parish has already started using the new translation of the English mass although it will only get to be implemented here in the Philippines come December)

you dream that your mom bought you a monstrance for your room.

...lol. this one is too much. bwahahha. I did not ever imagine this one. haha.

 You know you are Catholic when… You feel bad to hear your friends talking about how they wished they had a boyfriend, when you are fully content with waiting for whoever the Lord has picked out, if you are called to married life.

...aw, aw, aw!

you get super excited whenever Father chants the Kyrie, Sanctus, and Agnus Dei in Latin during morning weekday Masses.

...I havent been to a Latin mass but been dreaming about this! ahhhhh.

And another one from this tumblr : mycatholicgirlproblems.tumblr.com

http://mycatholicgirlproblems.tumblr.com/post/17332627463/catholic-girl-problem-46-reading-a-good-book

 lol. all the comments on this post really made me laugh. Seriously how do you get around this thing?

Her youtube Channel is wonderful :)

And also if you have been wondering about the 50 Shades of Grey book, this is what i can advice. HAHA. You go girl!

I never thought there would be a lot of beautiful things regarding my Faith on the internet. haha. What a great find!

And lastly. This is such a bonus for me: http://www.conversiondiary.com/2012/06/teach-me-how-to-love-the-psalms.html -> like LOL!