The Right Decision

Sometimes we find ourselves asking if the decisions we made were the right ones.

What would make us feel that yes the decision we made was right?

 Are there such guidelines for these? Of course assessing your situation is fundamental, calculating the risks and benefits are essential. But what would take us to make that leap to take the first step to decide and do it?

And when is the right time? Especially if the decision is life changing in a way that it is a big thing for you.

Here are some questions that I found answers while asking God. You know that small, small voice that you know in your heart is true.

How would I know if my decision is right or best for me?

 If you can find love in your every decision, then that decision is best for you. Do not make the mistake of harboring hatred or negativity against yourself or anyone once you have made a decision. If that decision has love or was made because you found love on that decision, then don't worry. Just let the negativity go; feelings come and go, but the decision made out of love stays. It will never fail.

Because sometimes I get so drama, I asked God these questions (listed down below). Sometimes we human need to be re-assured. I want to be assured. Every girl wants an assurance of love I think.

Are you angry at me Father Dear?

Sometimes I do.(Whattttt? haha) But you know, I decided to make you. And you can tell that that decision was born out of love. I love you. My love for you will never fail. I am love and you are my decision. Take comfort in that.

That was reassuring indeed! What a loving Father we have! eeet.   :)

Sometimes I  fluctuate. I'm like a switch. This time I'm good and hours later I'm bad. How can one be faithful?

 Fractions, life is made up of moments. And in every moment there is a decision to make.

Either to love or not to love, not to love is fear, anxiety, jealousy, and the like. Life to the full is love; every single moment.

Life is not lived by seconds but by moments. Moment by moment is every breath you take than every second you experience.

SO BREATH THIS MOMENT.

Imagine.

See.

Experience life.

Pulsate!

And above all choose to decide in love!

What Is It Really Like To Truly Care?

What makes a person care about someone?

Is it blood?  Friendship?  Community?

What truly makes a person care for other people?

I have this person in my life that truly tests my patience. When I am with her, I feel bad about myself. My walls are up and I am ready to find faults. I don't want to feel this way and i am sorry if I keep feeling this way. When I am with her I LIE - I just can’t speak the truth. I have no courage at all. She dis-empowers me and I am completely helpless.

I know she's turmoil. She carries too much burden. I can feel it and it's heavy. She's too trusting. She's needy, too needy for love and attention. And I have pampered her. Now, she is becoming a sucker of my energy. And she comes weekly! (Oh my, why do you have to do that?)

I am not saying that she's a bad person. No not at all. She's sweet, childlike, and straightforward, she talks too much sometimes and she is very opinionated. She readily laughs when people throw jokes at her. She even made me feel special one time, lightened up my day and lifted up my thoughts. All this negativity I feel about her are MY REACTIONS/FEELINGS towards her. I am dishonest and coward most of the time when we talk.

She makes me hate myself.

I want to love her. I want to care for her. But I have no idea how to be courageous enough to tell her what she needs to hear. I have no idea how to tell her the truth.

I know I am not the only one who feels this way about her. Almost all of us do. In fact we are convinced that she has an attitude problem; we have no proof how to determine this things but it's very evident (but could it be that she just lacks attention?...love? ... appreciation?....acknowledgement?)  People sometimes don’t pay her any attention. But I don’t want to give up on her. Who am I to give up when God has not given up on me?

She needs me and she comes to me. I don't want to feel like exploding every time she comes to see me, because every time she does, she asks something of me; time and money (I don’t care about the money, for as long as I have something to give. lol.) I care about how I feel about her, how I treat her, how I am when she is around being needy.

I want to tell her that she needs to stop lying to herself.

SHE NEEDS TO STOP IT! And I've GOT TO TELL HER!

I want her to realize the power of being true to oneself but she dis-empowers me with that very power.

I need her. Yes, i need her so i can overcome my fears of hurting her if i say what i truly feel and think about her.  I need her so i can learn how to truly and genuinely care with no expectations of return at all. I need her so i can be sincere. Stop all the hypocrisy and start caring for people not because you need something from them but because you just truly care. And i want to care.

I want to open up my heart wide enough to feel her pain. I want to give till it hurts, but not time and money; I want to give her the truth. I want to give her my honesty.

 xxx

A note to people who personally know me: I wrote this not for you to ponder who this person might be but for you to learn from my situation or better yet suggest a solution *wink. And if you have similar stories to tell, let's talk about it, not the person involved but how to better the situation. :) Thank you. 

The Art of Asking Questions

There is beauty/art in asking questions.

Yes even bad questions.

I would like to share this because maybe you will learn too. When I was just a kid, I don’t ask questions much. Maybe because I’m like a sponge, I take everything good and bad and the very bad – personally. Maybe that’s why I grew up shy and aloof. I’m pretty scared of people most of the time.

 It is only now that I've started asking questions. Kind of shake my belief system. I know I’m not yet shaking it as hard as I would like to, because maybe if I’d do, the belief house would fall. And I wouldn't know what I’d be if that would happen. But in fairness I think that wouldn't be so scary. Confronting myself and my beliefs would be liberating I think. (That’s a comforting thought- that I actually think it would be liberating.)

I’ve got a lot of questions about confidence and why I react or behave the way I do to certain situations or people. It’s fun.

 The art of asking questions is fun.

Most especially if you know how to ask the right ones.

Here’s one page of my many questions (I use my notebook every time I come up with questions, that means I write it down) This is really hard to show but I’m sharing it because maybe, just maybe, there are people out there who is just like me, and reading this would liberate her/him the way it did me from my insular mindset. lol.

What is my limiting belief?

That I am inferior to people who are successful(people who have much confidence – they believe in their work and they know what they do)

Why do I feel inferior to people who are successful? To people who exude much confidence they seem to fly.

I feel inferior and little because I believe I can’t contribute a thing.

Because I want to please people, to show off, by being humble.

Inferiority cloaked in humility, nay, timidity to the point of acting dumb. Because I thought if people think poorly of me, when I fail they would not blame me much, because what would you expect from timid people? I make excuses already for my future imagined mistakes! When in fact it is unlikely to happen! My brilliant defense mechanism!

What should I do to correct this wrong belief? This horrible fear of the future mistakes I will make?

Be brave, be you. What if instead of owning your imagined future mistakes, you try owning and living your potential.

Start living to your potential, your true potential. And imagine that.

 Wow.

I ask those questions, not to myself but to God. And hearing those answers is like freedom.

Here is the most important thing I learned: It is good to ask yourself questions but it is even better to ask God those questions, It is good to talk to yourself but even better to talk to God. In him is Wisdom.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

You Can Ask Anything. Absolutely Anything!

 xxx

Things I’m grateful for today

1.  I'm grateful for my dad. He is getting old. And I need to be more patient with him; not the other way around. Don’t be so pabadlong. Remember that.

2.    I'm grateful for Cherry (tbg) music, one of the most inspiring people who top my list right now.

3.   I am grateful for you Abba dear, for not giving up, for all of us. Thank you.

Wrist Pain Solution; mouse speed

If you've been experiencing wrist pain due to your mouse. I have good news for you. I found a brilliant solution over the internet on how to solve that. Basically if you've noticed, if you move your mouse from the left to the right edge of your computer screen, it takes a lot of wrist movement to that. So the idea is to lessen that movement to stop the strain. To do that, we have to speed up the motion of our mouse. Ready? Here we go...

1. First step is to go to your control panel > Hardware and Sound > Mouse

That is currently my mouse speed's setting :)

2. Once your in the Mouse Properties, click the Pointer Options and in the Motion change the speed of the mouse from it's default setting to 2-4 notches up. And viola!

Notice how easy it is now to reach the far end side of your screen with little movement from your wrist.
I hope that helps!

Source: Steve Pavlina go visit his site; ill guarantee youll definitely learn something!

Things Im grateful for today:
1. Im grateful for my work and that i am working telecommute, which means i have total control over my time. Thank u Lord :)
2. Im grateful for my brothers chicks. haha. the sound they make can bring you to awareness. We have a lot of chickens and roosters here i tell you.
3. I am grateful for my life and for who i am. Really.
4. I am grateful for my brothers and sisters. I am also grateful for the Durian fruit dad bought. Oh the smell of it! Taste heavenly!

Speed Dating!

I've got a secret to tell. Here it is: I went speed dating two days before my birthday.wooo.God, if someone would know, especially my friends id be dead. Dead of teasing that is! haha. I cant believe i did it! But le me first explain why i went, because i would not do it for the life of me! I went because im gonna be 24 soon, and i want to do something wild, let's put that mildly- i want to do something memorable while im still 23, it was, in a weird way. And also because the proceeds of the said event is for the typhoon sendong victims, and also because my cousin's manager is it's organizer and i just cant say no to my cousin. I have to explain you know.


So what is Speed Dating? Speed dating based on wiki is a formalized matchmaking process or dating system whose purpose is to encourage people to meet a large number of new people. Its origins are credited to Rabbi Yaacov Deyo of Aish HaTorah, originally as a way to help Jewish singles meet and marry. Men and women are rotated to meet each other over a series of short "dates", usually lasting from 3 to 8 minutes depending on the organization running the event. At the end of each interval, the organizer rings a bell, clinks a glass, or blows a whistle to signal the participants to move on to the next date. At the end of the event participants submit to the organizers a list of who they would like to provide their contact information to. If there is a match, contact information is forwarded to both parties. Contact information cannot be traded during the initial meeting, in order to reduce pressure to accept or reject a suitor to his or her face. bwahaha on the last part!


Basically that's what happened, but Philippines being Philippines have a different version. It was supposed to be 12 dates in one night, 12 Men and 12 Women. The funny part was that the GIRLS OUTNUMBERED the BOYS in a ridiculous way. 16 GIRLS came that night and only 7 BOYS came. Seriously girls, are we that desperate? bwahhaha. Before the event started, small group of girls in different tables were busy chattering and doing some make up. I put some lipstick on just to feel and convince myself that i am a woman already, it's like a - i can do this gesture, don't be so pale! I was so nervous i could die! Especially when i saw the young men entering the room(They look good and presentable by the way, in which i was pleasantly surprised). My sister and cousin were laughing at me. They were like haven't you done this before? Went on a date? Okay, i look stupid, i am nervous, and i haven't went on a date in my 23 years of existence. I know, i know.  (Please don't get me started with my "i still have a lot of things to figure out and i don't want to explain my feelings"). 


Now, because we girls outnumbered the boys so much, what happened was, there were two girls in one table. We were only given four minutes to "date" the boy before the bell rings. Have you heard a trio date before? Nope? Well, basically that's what happened on my first date. The funny part was that the girl who's with me, we have the same name! Competition ba etitch. haha. To tell you the truth i scanned her. Just so i know i CAN and am worthy to be in the table with her. God, she's so tall and all. Insecurity attack! Rotation started, the boys come and go. All 7 of them. One word: AWKWARD! It was the most awkward experience i have ever been! I have to tell you. I know 4 minutes is so short, yet we run out of words. After introducing ourselves, every boy was like what should i say? Is there anything you want to know? What is your hobby? Do you like sports?(Yes, i have no sport) Then silence. If ever your going to a date like this, it helps that you have some ball pen or something to hold with your hands, you'll gonna need it when it starts getting boring. Boring and awkward and you want to laugh at the situation and you look at your girl partner and she smiles and agrees with you. Well, Sheena and i kind of developed an alliance. She was like giving me signals with her face expression like - oh he's good, approved! or OMG he sucks! he's cute. 
I learned one thing from that experience and that is, i like men who are honest and open. I discovered that most of the girls were college students and some of the boys too. Their teacher kind of forced them to join. haha. The Speed dating event made me realized that yes i am worthy of love and that i am enough. And that i am not that bad. I wanna cry. haha And that out of the 7 boys, the one with the laser eyes caught my attention. For some reason i can't look straight at him because if i did, those eyes would melt me. 

evidence!

P.S. I wanna say thank you to my new followers. Hey there Isadora, buzzlightyear and Rhea! 

Upset: The reason behind your feelings

 image

Ive been so upset today with my work. I have this problem with my webmaster and i just dont know what to do and where to start to solve it. I was stuck literally. Spend hours and hours going through the web without being conscious of what im doing just so i can delay dealing with my immediate problem. My favorite form of scape. I was so upset, i wasn't able to do anything with my time at wok. Half of my day was ruin. The list of things i want to do wasn't done. It's like being in the middle of a traffic- everything got congested. It's like watching a bad domino effect before your very own eyes. I was so upset because i cannot move on to other tasks at hand without solving it first(i dont know why im like this. Perhaps because deep down i believe in doing the difficult task first.). The feeling was so overwhelming i wasn't able take it anymore.  I have been to so many problems like this that finally today i was able to catch myself. My thought process was, Why am i feeling like this? Why am i so upset? Do i truly recognize my problem? Is this such a big deal? The moment i started questioning my feelings about what's bothering me was the moment i took the initial step to solve it. I started asking my workmates of their opinion about it and i realized it wanst that bad at all. In fact it was such a small thing that it makes me wonder that it bothered me. From the moment i looked at my reaction(feelings) to the problem was the moment i took action to solve it. I prayed and ask God for help and decided not to fret about it anymore. And viola! Just like magic. The feeling was gone. I wasnt upset anymore. Got my head cleared. Took action and i was able to solve it. I was so lifted up. I felt wonderful. The genius has come and ole to me! :)

Things im grateful for today
1. I am grateful that i was able solve my problem and discovered a new way of approaching upsetting situations.yay!
2. Grateful for Keong2. He's a kind of person who teach by example without him knowing it. Im glad im arround people like him. It makes you want to be better a person.
3. I am grateful for TED videos on youtube of remarkable people. It is inspiring. One day im gonna be up there gracing their show as a speaker. hehe.
4. I am so grateful for this video of Elizabeth Gilbert the Author of "Eat, Pray, Love". This has touched a portion of my life and made me realized something really important about my work life. Enjoy watching it and i hope you will find a glimpse of inspiration. And Ole to you!

for subtitle u can click the cc button *wink*

5. I am grateful for my two new followers. MarkSFO and Rhea Liza hello there beautiful souls!  :)

Books Im planning to read this 2012.

"There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written."

- Oscar Wilde

Here is a list of books im planning to read this 2012. Im not that much of a reader so im trying to be one now. Help me God. This is not much but i know somehow it will force me to focus on my goal. My books have become so dusty they deserve my attention. To all you book lovers out there, it would really mean a lot if you could give me ideas on how to achieve my goal.

Books i have on my shelf that needs reading:

1. A Sand County Almanac by Aldo Leopold - (this one talks about our environment, i am really interested.)
2. Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder - (A novel about philosophy. I am currently reading this now :)
3. The Giver by Lois Lowry - (done reading this one but would like to read it again. I was not able to understand it that's why.)
4. Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery - (halfway through; read again)
5. The Great Gatsby by Fitsgerald
6. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
7. Fear and Trembling by Amelie Nothomb
8. As A Man Thinketh by James Allen - (one of my fave book, re-read)
9. Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli - (one of my fave also, would love to read again)
10. The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy
11. The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren - (Was able to read the 1st chapter only; allocate 40 days of reading)
12. Life of Pie by Yann Martel
13. The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
14. Frankenstein by Shelley
15. Small Change by Susan and Larry Terkel
16. Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden
17. The Examined Life by Helming
18 The Picture of Dorian Gray - (Was able to read the first few chapters and then stopped, I can't stand Dorian's vanity, would love to try it again this time)
19. A Thread of Grace by Mary Doria Russel
20. One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
21. Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi
22. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
23. The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkein
24. Your Best Life Now by Joel Osteen
25. Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson -(was not able to finish)

So that's 25 books all in all. As you can see the pattern, i have a way of reading books without even finishing them. I'm like a rolling stone when it comes to books, i gather no moss. Sometimes i get really lazy especially if the book aint fun at all. The tendency to doze off is really high. But, hey i can read books in one sitting, like  really funny books. I love books that have humor glimmering in every page.
One way to attack/achieve my goal is to maybe read one book for a week and then for those books that i want to read again it would be for December. There are 52 weeks in a year but im making allowances so 25 books to read for one year would probably be enough. What an allowance that is! Aint bad, aint bad.
 If you have any suggestions, i would love to hear from you.