What makes a person care about someone?
Is it blood?
Friendship? Community?
What truly makes a person care for other people?
I have this person in my life that truly tests my patience.
When I am with her, I feel bad about myself. My walls are up and I am ready to
find faults. I don't want to feel this way and i am sorry if I keep feeling
this way. When I am with her I LIE - I just can’t speak the truth. I have no
courage at all. She dis-empowers me and I am completely helpless.
I know she's turmoil. She carries too much burden. I can
feel it and it's heavy. She's too trusting. She's needy, too needy for love and
attention. And I have pampered her. Now, she is becoming a sucker of my energy.
And she comes weekly! (Oh my, why do you have to do that?)
I am not saying that she's a bad person. No not at all.
She's sweet, childlike, and straightforward, she talks too much sometimes and
she is very opinionated. She readily laughs when people throw jokes at her. She
even made me feel special one time, lightened up my day and lifted up my
thoughts. All this negativity I feel about her are MY REACTIONS/FEELINGS
towards her. I am dishonest and coward most of the time when we talk.
She makes me hate myself.
I want to love her. I want to care for her. But I have no
idea how to be courageous enough to tell her what she needs to hear. I have no
idea how to tell her the truth.
I know I am not the only one who feels this way about her.
Almost all of us do. In fact we are convinced that she has an attitude problem;
we have no proof how to determine this things but it's very evident (but could
it be that she just lacks attention?...love? ... appreciation?....acknowledgement?) People sometimes don’t pay her any attention.
But I don’t want to give up on her. Who am I to give up when God has not given
up on me?
She needs me and she comes to me. I don't want to feel like
exploding every time she comes to see me, because every time she does, she asks
something of me; time and money (I don’t care about the money, for as long as I
have something to give. lol.) I care about how I feel about her, how I treat
her, how I am when she is around being needy.
I want to tell her that she needs to stop lying to herself.
SHE NEEDS TO STOP IT! And I've GOT TO TELL HER!
I want her to realize the power of being true to oneself but
she dis-empowers me with that very power.
I need her. Yes, i need her so i can overcome my fears of
hurting her if i say what i truly feel and think about her. I need her so i can learn how to truly and
genuinely care with no expectations of return at all. I need her so i can be
sincere. Stop all the hypocrisy and start caring for people not because you
need something from them but because you just truly care. And i want to care.
I want to open up my heart wide enough to feel her pain. I
want to give till it hurts, but not time and money; I want to give her the
truth. I want to give her my honesty.
A note to people who personally know me: I wrote this not for you to ponder who this person might be but for you to learn from my situation or better yet suggest a solution *wink. And if you have similar stories to tell, let's talk about it, not the person involved but how to better the situation. :) Thank you.
